pain...

lastnight aku skype with Nick,kita bicara about our relationship.aku bilang aku udah forgive him foll all those things.aku cm mau easy going with my life.nggak mau nangis lagi,nggak mau benci dia lagi,bukankah damai itu indah?bukankah lebih menyenangkan bila bersahabat.but from the bottom of my heart,i dont wanna being his friends,pilihanku bila tdk bs memilikinya itu artinya aku tdk bisa jadi sahabatnya.tp aku tdk mengatakannya,perlahan tp pasti aku akan menjauhinya krn i dont wanna hurt myself anymore.krn aku bukan hypocrite.
Dia tdk mengerti sakit hatiku dicampakkannya,dia tdk mengerti betapa aku harus trying very very very hard to survive in this situation,dia tdk mengerti sama sekali.aku tdk tau knp kami bs putus bcz that shits,but maybe thats only a reason bcz he was getting bored with me n looking for something new,i dunno...at all.actually i'm tired to talking about my relatinship,really..i just want to happily ever after with him..as a married person,but i know its imposible since i know that he was lying about his marriage,oh i'm still stupid to believe in a 41 years old belgium guy.